Looking and for in a relationship

What Should I Look for in a Partner? | nickchinlund.info

looking and for in a relationship

While many relationships may display one or two of these warning signs, Today, we look at the flipside—warning signs of a toxic relationship. For many years, people have always asked, “Would you rather date someone who is really hot but has a terrible personality, or would you rather date someone . At first, it was casual. On a scale of one to love, I was at a three: down for a third date. Then, he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship.

Respect Men feel respect as love.

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If he feels like you disapprove of him, his career, or the things that he believes to be integral to who he is as a person, he will have a hard time trusting and loving you. A Sense Of Sexual Connection Men and women both connect through sex and communication, but generally, women connect better through communication and men connect better through sex.

Does this mean that men need to have sex with their intimate partners every day in order to feel connected? Men, more often than not, connect through indicators of sexual access just as much as they do through sex.

Allow me to explain… Often, a man will initiate sex just to make sure that you are still sexually available to him. This lack of awareness around women needing to connect through words and men needing to connect through sex can sometimes turn into an unfortunate and rapid downward spiral.

Talk with your partner and ask what specifically helps them feel the most loved so you can avoid these unintentional standoffs. Emotional Intimacy From a very young age, men are taught to avoid appearing weak at all costs.

He can expose the cracks in his armour and allow his partner to help him heal. Just as women need to slowly open up sexually within a relationship, men open up over time emotionally. If you push him away or are unable to be nurturing when he needs it the most, he will no longer trust you with his emotions.

He will remove himself somewhat from the relationship. Space Author Deborah Tannen has written brilliantly on the masculine and feminine divide between independence and intimacy masculine being primarily drawn towards independence and the feminine toward intimacy.

7 Things All Men Need In A Relationship

Within all of my relationships and the vast majority of my clients, I consistently see that it is the feminine-associated female partner that wants more time spent together and the masculine-associated male partner wanting more time apart. There is no perfect balance to be found here.

This will always be a balancing act of closeness and separateness.

looking and for in a relationship

But rest assured, suffocating a man either by failing to allow him free time or with overly jealous behaviour is the fastest way to end a relationship. Men need breathing room in a relationship. We need time for our hobbies, time with our friends, and time to toil away on our projects to feel fulfilled. Traditionally, when women or the feminine associated partner needed to solve a problem, they would go further into the tribe — connecting with close friends and family and discussing their issues.

Conversely, when men have a problem to solve, they would leave the tribe to be alone with their thoughts. So let him roam. Leave him to his own devices. A man will be that much happier for you to receive him when he returns, knowing that you trust both him and the strength of your bond enough to let him have his space.

Physical Touch Men need frequent non-sexual touch as well as a sense of sexual access. But the society seems to have portrayed singlehood as some sort of a disease, rather than a perfectly fine state in itself. Because of this, singlehood has become a topic associated with desperation. The problem is, because these actions are driven or partially driven by acts of desperation, their objective of having a relationship becomes to complete themselves and achieve their idealized state of happiness.

looking and for in a relationship

They start getting into relationships for the sake of getting into one, rather than because of real, unconditional love. This desperation leads them to two possible outcomes. The first, they attract and enter into suboptimal relationships. They get together with people who are either not right for them, do not elevate them to become better people or do not treat them with the level of respect they deserve, leading to constant unhappiness and eventual heartache.

The second outcome is depression or disappointment when they cannot find the person of their dreams or when they break up with their previous partner. There have been guys who have entered my life before but I have never been in a serious relationship before. I also have numerous friends my age who have been single their whole lives. They are really traditional people. Right In the past few years however, I started opening myself up more and more to looking out for Mr. It was an action that was driven by many varying factors around me.

During Chinese New Year, relatives would curiously probe if I have a boyfriend. Friends around me started getting attached, one by one. I started hearing of friends getting wedding invitations from their peers.

looking and for in a relationship

As I opened myself up to the prospect to finding my special someone, I got to know more guys. Over the years, there have been various different guys who expressed interest. However, I just never seemed to find the right match amongst them. Frustration Surrounding Singlehood It would get depressing at sometimes. I had different hypotheses, from there being something wrong with the guys around me, me not looking hard enough and not looking in the right places, me being too successful and as a result, intimidating to guys.

I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I wondered if I was ever going to meet my special someone and if I was going to be single for the rest of my life.

I wondered my soulmate accidentally died at some point and I was never going to meet him since he was dead. I wondered if I even had a soulmate to begin with. There was a certain tinge of desperation I viewed for my future, regarding relationships. I sat down to really think through this issue.

Why would something that is supposed to bring me bliss result in so much unhappiness in myself? Realization That I Am Complete It was from my introspection and probing that it finally hit home — I was looking at all of this the wrong way.

looking and for in a relationship

All the frustration, anticipation and expectations on getting a relationship arose because I was looking for a relationship to complete myself. For example, I was deferring various aspects of my life to begin only till I find my soulmate. I would think of about how I would go to this place as a romantic getaway when I get together with my special someone.

What Should I Look for in a Partner?

I would think about buying couple gifts with my soulmate. I would see certain items and think about how nice it would be when I get them as gifts from my partner the next time.

It resulted in hidden tension and anxiety toward finding my life partner. Advertisement The truth is, I am already complete by myself.

There is no need for my life partner to enter into my life before all those things can happen. I can already be doing them as and when I want to. I was looking at a relationship as two halves forming a whole, when it should be about two wholes forming a bigger union. When I released myself of my limiting perception, that was when my views toward relationships totally changed.

I stopped hinging expectations toward when I should get into a relationship and how it should be like. I stopped looking at relationships with a feeling of desperation. I became grounded in myself. I became truly and perfectly happy in the state of singlehood.

No, I do want to be in a relationship. The difference is that desire stopped being rooted in fear-based emotions. It became rooted in groundedness and love-based emotions.

Are you complete by yourself?

7 Things All Men Need In A Relationship - Jordan Gray Consulting

There is a huge difference on your perceptions and attitudes toward relationships between when you think of yourself as an incomplete person and when you think of yourself as already complete. This can be an elusive quality. It emanates from your thoughts, emotions, actions and behaviors.

As I mentioned in my personal story above, being complete does not mean there is no reason to be in a relationship anymore. It means looking at relationships from a totally different viewpoint. It means you start truly living life and stop becoming bothered by whether you are single or attached. Below are eight attributes that differentiate both viewpoints of seeing yourself as incomplete vs. The former views relationship as a union of two halves to form a whole.

The latter views relationship as a union between two wholes to form a larger whole. The former results in desperation to get into a relationship, or refusal to let go when the relationship is not a right fit. The latter results in deep-seatedness in yourself. The latter means you only get into a relationship that is right for you and you readily let go of a relationship that is not a right fit. The latter results in full clarity on what you want and pursuit of only what is best for you.

The former is driven by fear-based emotions, such as anxiety, ego, pride and fear. The latter is driven by love-based emotions, such as true, authentic and unconditional love, willingness and courage.